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A Simple Case of Possession: OJ Simpson What Compels You?

Like any American with a television, radio, or functioning tympanic membrane I heard OJ’s arraignment this morning. I’m not at all surprised by any of the rulings, the bail amount ($125,000) or the fact that he contorted his face into multiple expressions of shock and surprise.

What I am a little put off by, however, is the fact that no one has yet brought up the possibility of possession. Not the possessions he was trying to reclaim, but rather the possession of his soul by some unholy and otherworldly figure. C’mon people, think about it. The answer is right in front of our faces, we just can’t see it because it is an evil apparition from some other dimension. Doy!

I am almost positive that this is what is going on. Simpson has already exhibited many of the signs of spiritual possession, and his facial contortions in the courtroom today have just further exemplified this possibility. The evil spirit cannot fathom the charges being filed against it. “Ten felonies,” the spirit shrieks within. “How can they possibly have the proof?!”

To further explicate the dangers and stages of the possession that OJ is surely experiencing, I submit the following for your consideration:

First of all possession usually happens in stages. It is not an instantaneous thing, okay, don’t be ridiculous! Ahem, the likelihood of a person being possessed all depends on their sensitivity to paranormal activity. If you are curious about whether you are a good candidate for possession then I would recommend charm burning, trance diagnosis, drugs, metaphysical healing and/or pendulum diagnosis.

Moving on, it is important to note that when a spirit possesses a body the spirit does not retain total control. This would explain OJ’s ability to still speak like a moron while the intellectually superior spirit merely conspires, robs, kills (?), and kidnaps. Because of this dual control over one’s body, it becomes very difficult for someone SP’d to live a normal life. Poor OJ. Typically, the spirit remains nonviolent until the possessed person requests that it leave permanently. Not wanting to, the spirit then becomes enraged and devotes its entire nonexistence to destroying the victim. In OJ’s case, making him look like even more of a schmuck than he already is.

OJ has already exhibited many of the signs of SP, some of which are talking to himself, burning incense while chanting in foreign tongues, reminiscing over old times and even speaking out of turn in social situations. Is it too late to help this poor, poor man?

Yale Galanter, OJ’s defense attorney stated earlier this morning that come October 22nd they will offer a ‘not guilty’ plead. Also stating that he will be bringing the former football pro back to Florida as soon as possible, Galanter makes it safe for us to assume that in Miami an exorcism will almost certainly take place.

I will be bringing you up to the minute coverage of said exorcism as it comes in.

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