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Britney Spears in the Dog House

It would seem that Britney Spears has lost all will to live. After the court ordered she undergo random drug and alcohol testing twice a week, she rushed to the nearest club and drank herself silly. Maybe she is just over it.

What I would recommend to “BritBrit” is a convincing disguise and a move towards Middle America. Play it low key for ten years and then, if you decide you want to be a part of the circus again, make your way west and give it another go.

But what disguise would possibly keep the infamous Britney Spears out of the public eye? Why, a werewolf disguise of course! And before you claim that it’s “impossible” and that werewolves aren’t “real” let me just say, um, yeah they are. Now that that’s settled….

There are several ways that Spears could take on this new appearance.

    Be cursed by a shaman
    Infection (although those infected rarely survive long enough to transform)
    Transformation slave (magical salve ingredients available upon request)
    Lycanthropic Botanicals
    Awesome Wolf Belt
    Pact with Devil

Now, some of these are obvious, okay, but others may warrant further explanation. The one I am guessing that you are curious about is the “Awesome Wolf Belt.” This is a belt that is made from human skin. Now traditionally, the skin would be from a man that was tortured or hanged, but times are tough and it is now widely accepted to use just plain old human skin. When worn around the waist or above the clothes (if you are trying to match your beige and brown two piece outfit) the wearer is said to transform into a werewolf. So that’s simple enough.

I am not sure which method would be easiest for Britney Spears, but with her connections all are possible. With her new disguise she will also attain several abilities that may help her raise her cubs or children rather. For one, she will receive a heightened sense of smell. Being able to smell when paparazzi are outside or when the pizza delivery man is at the door, Britney will be at the top of her motherly game. Also, werewolves are immune from aging, so when she decides to return to the stage in ten, twenty or fifty years she will not have aged a day. It’s perfect—I know!

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One Response

  1. Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww!

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