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Go Speed Racer: Trip the Light Fantastic

This weekend’s early predictions are looking monetarily bleak for the Wachowski brothers’ Speed Racer (Friday only brought in $5 million or so). But, I was one of the several who made my way into the theater (theater is used to identify that actual building, whereas theatre is usually used when talking about the art form…or if you’re English…or if you’re old––actually, the rules are pretty vague) to see it and here’s what you’re in for:

Exactly what you were expecting.

From the trailers you should be anticipating an experience that simulates some kind of magical drug trip combined with family fun and a splash of John Goodman (more like a cannonball actually), and that’s precisely what you’ll get. While Emile Hirsch and a cartoon-like Christina Ricci offer up some memorable moments, the real stars of the show are the incredible visual effects and a monkey, “chim-chim.”

As far as the effects go, if you’ve ever played Mario Kart and driven down Rainbow Road, then you’ve already prepared yourself for the seizure-inducing race sequences of the movie. Likewise, if you were lucky enough to ever visit Epcot Center’s “Journey Into the Imagination” then you’ve also witnessed a similar color extravaganza. It’s frickin’ nuts what this movie does. That’s really all there is to it. It frightens and confuses me.

As far as the monkey goes, he’s awesome. But, what’s more awesome than the monkey in the movie, is the monkey in the credits. Why the monkey wasn’t driving cars and dressing up like a ninja and dancing like a star the entire film I do not know. What I do know is that it was irresponsible of the filmmakers to taunt us with what could have been after sitting through over 2 hours of mainly human action. How dare they show me this monkey now? NOW!? Really?! Now? Great, thanks a lot. Why wasn’t this the whole movie? Gosh dangit, Wachowski brothers.

So, I dunno. See it if you want to be ravaged by color or if you want to see a really cute spoof on Japanimation and an homage to Speed. 

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6 Responses

  1. Speed Racer (or Mach GoGoGo, as it was originally titled in its home country of Japan) is a really stupid dumb show that some people pretend to like so that other “cooler” people will think that they’re awesome. Anything that makes it cute or catchy becomes old within a minute of any actual episode’s start. And evident by the paltry box office and the fact that this movie is about to fall off the radar faster than Made of Honor, I’m pretty sure I’m right about all of my certain assumptions.

    Speed Racer is no Masters of the Universe, even if Walter Sobchak is involved.

  2. Um, excuse me very much, but your view seems quite close minded. And rather Jack-assish.

    Masters of the Universe, in my opinion, was a bad show. I didn’t like it. But many people love it. Do I care? Not much.

    Why do you say that Speed Racer is so stupid? It’s a really fun show that many, many people enjoyed when they were young, and still enjoy today. Is it cheezy? Yes. But it’s charming and fun. I don’t remember He-Man being any less of a cheese fest. Speed Racer is old school anime. I don’t think there would be such a big fan following if it were a “really stupid dumb show that people pretend to like”.

    It’s not doing so well at the box office, no – but it’s still a great movie. It’s simply placed in a bad spot with Iron Man breathing down it’s neck, and Indiana Jones walking right behind it, waiting to strike.

    The film itself is a perfect blend of Anime and Live action – I have an Idea for a graphic novel that would immensely benefit from Speed Racer’s amazing and groundbreaking stylistic choices.

    So shut up, and don’t tell people they don’t actually like something that they ABSOLUTELY love.

  3. Yeah the Speed Racer cartoon sucks.

  4. ha ha ha

  5. Allen, for starters, there can’t be that big of a following if it’s being beaten like a bad dog by What Happens in Vegas. You’re wrong in all of your opinions, so much so that I don’t think you should be allowed to have any at all from this point forward. Deal?

    I think the only way to put our differences aside is with a foot race…a SPEED FOOT RACE! If you feel like taking a pause from writing the graphic novel for a second, I’ll be waiting for you with my New Balances tied tight.

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