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Let the Water Hold Me Down

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack. And you may find yourself in another part of the world. And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile. And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife.
And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?

House Bunny leaves you wondering just that, “How did I get here.”

I’m a girl, and every now and then I like to indulge in some guilt-ridden movie watching (i.e. Blue Crush, Legally Blonde, 13 Going on 30). Say what you will, but I am a sucker for a makeover montage – or any montage for that matter. So, when I went into House Bunny I was hoping (hoping not expecting) that there would be some solid montage moments, some funny Anna Faris scenes and an uplifting message to go home with. Instead what I got was an experience that I will not soon forget.

First of all, I tried to see the 7:10, but to my surprise when I walked in the theater there wasn’t an open seat. Shocked and a little sickened, I exchanged my ticket for the 7:50 and came back 30 minutes later to find that this show was also a full-capacity crowd. WTF? House Bunny? REALLY?

To my right, a group of 7 or so 14-16 year-olds, frantically texting one another while simultaneously laughing at how much Trisha loves the Jonas Brothers. To my left, three grown men, stoic and silent, undoubtedly there to see Faris in tight pink booty shorts. How did I get here?

When the movie started, one of the hundreds of teenage girls started a slow clap – no one followed her lead, which she thought was hilarious and thusly let out a hearty/screeching laugh. This would precede numerous, “Go Anna!” “Oww!” and “Yeah, HENCE” outbursts throughout the film – outbursts that were so uncalled for I found myself looking around for a hidden camera, a scientist taking notes or some other such indicator that would explain what was happening to me.

The film itself was a failure. Faris was adorable, and I’ll argue that until the very end, but the rest was a hopeless flop. I laughed at moments, but the laughter was sparked by the intense awkwardness of the characters and not at all by the half-heartedly written jokes. That’s what it was, the movie felt halfway done – as if it didn’t make it to post or something. There was an overall unfinishedness about it. Or, maybe I’m just trying to explain something that needs no explanation…

I’m trying to make excuses for movies that don’t warrant them. A bad movie is a bad movie as an apple is to an apple. Logic will win the day…right? And you may ask yourself am I right?…Am I wrong? And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!…WHAT HAVE I DONE?

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4 Responses

  1. Wow. You’re doing your part to help stimulate the economy, so I guess that makes you a good American.

    Were the three stoic men together or separate?

  2. Yes they were all sitting together. Whether that was planned or just seen as an opportunity to band together for the pervy love of Faris, I do not know.

  3. I’ve got nothing against Anna Faris. However, I will say that Demi Moore’s man-faced daughter doesn’t deserve shit for attention and I truly hope she disappears from the limelight before somebody actually really starts believing she deserves to be famous. She has a man-face, she is not pretty and though she may be related to Bruce Willis, I could care less about her.

  4. House Bunny? More like How Funny!

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