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Beef Likes It But Won’t Put a Ring on It: The Hangover

Katie: You liked The Hangover right?
Beef: Yeah. Didn’t love it or think it was that great, but I liked it.
Katie: I think the first half was solid…maybe because it focused on Zach. When Asian dude showed up it got stupid.
Beef: I wouldn’t see it again.
Katie: What if you got wicked drunk and saw it and didn’t remember that you saw it….and then Mike Tyson punched you in the head and you were surrounded by d-bags all of a sudden? Then what?
Beef: I’d still rather watch something else.
Katie: …….What if a tiger was going to eat you if you didn’t watch it again?
Beef: I’d be eaten by a tiger so that I could brag about it in heaven.
Katie: What if heaven was all, “Oh shit, how did YOU get here?! We must have been so drunk!” and then they kick you out. Then what!?
Beef: Sounds like the plot to Heaven Can Wait. So, I’d inhabit the body of a rich old man and fall in love with a beautiful woman?
Katie: Fair enough. Heather Graham as a stripper?
Beef: Yes please.
Katie: You’re so drunk right now.
Beef: Pfffshhhno!

Katie: Yeah, so drunk. Don’t drive! Or…DO DRIVE and steal a cop car, cause you’ll be so cool – like, so, so cool.
Beef: I think what sucked about that movie was that everything you’ve been describing was in the trailer.
Katie: That’s true. So then you didn’t like the trailer…or you liked everything that wasn’t in the trailer…or you’re so drunk you don’t even know what’s happening right now!
Beef: I liked the trailer and was hoping the movie would have more and it had two more funny things! TWO
Katie: Name them, drunkard.
Beef: The wolf pack part where Alan (played by Zach Galifianakis) cuts his palm with a knife…and then there was one other part which I’ve now forgotten.
Katie: Now sing the alphabet song backwards while carrying this umbrella and walking a tight rope.
Beef: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba!
Katie: TAH-DAH!
Katie: Final thoughts?
Beef: Hmm… my final thoughts are that I enjoyed the steak sandwich and fries more than the movie honestly.
Katie: God, you’re so drunk. You’re so crazy when you drink.
Beef: I’m drunk on soda and peanut butter M&Ms
Katie: So crazy. Wild man.
Beef: I’ll beat you. I’ll beat a woman. I swear to your god.
Katie: Not when I Rohypnol your drink. **Drop Drop**
Beef: I’ll fall asleep right on top of you. Watch me.
Katie: **Bubble Bubble**
Beef: Aawwwwwuuuuhhhhh Crash –  SNORE  – CCCUUUHHH-HHHHHAAAAAAKKKKK – SNORE*

*Beef suffers from sleep apnea.


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