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AUTOPSY—TOP 40: Pop Songs Examined.

I’m sorry. This has gone on for too long. The music that’s being played on popular radio stations has become a confusing mess, and well, it’s time to clear some things up. Presenting the auTOPsy40 – an examination of what these pop hits mean exactly.

GAGA GAG ME!Case #1: Lady Gaga’s LOVE GAME

Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick

I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

(2x)

She wants to have fun and feels that the best way to do this would be to find a “disco stick.” In popular Celtic lore, the disco stick is a powerful tool used for summoning demons and punishing ill-behaved children.

I wanna kiss you (huh)

She wants a kiss, but then isn’t sure…

but if I do then I might miss you, babe (huh)

Referring to the popular “miss me miss me now you gotta kiss me” song.

it’s complicated and stupid (huh)

Yes. It is.

got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid (huh)

Cupid – the beloved cherub – is apparently scantily clad and in the mood for a sexual harassment case.

guess he wants to play, wants to play

a love game, a love game (huh)

Love game therefore equates to sexual harassment by a mythical creature.

hold me and love me

just want touch you for a minute

maybe three seconds is enough

for my heart to quit it

In this passage, Ms. Gaga is alluding to her fickle nature and the general brevity of lust.

let’s have some fun, this beat is sick

I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

Again, calling upon the magical powers of the Celtic tool, possibly to punish the childlike cupid figure for his unwanted advances.

don’t think too much, just bust that kick

I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

let’s play a lovegame, play a lovegame

do you want love, or you want fame

are you in the game (huh)

doin’ the lovegame (huh)

(2x)

She now speaks the ancient words that activate the disco stick’s power. Winds start to pick up and clouds gather.

(huh)

I’m on a mission

Her mission is to kill Cupid.

and it involves some heavy touching, yeah

touching = killing.

you’ve indicated you’re interest

Cupid squeezing her ass

I’m educated in sex, yes

and now I want it bad, want it bad

a love game, a love game

Then she says a lot of the same bullshit. Moving on…

…I can see you staring there from across the block

with a smile on your mouth and your hand on your (huh)

She leaves out what his hand is on, but scholars deduce that his hand is on his weapon. He is poised for battle against the wench Gaga and is set to defend himself against the powerful disco stick.

the story of us, it always starts the same

with a boy and a girl and a (huh) and a game

and a game (huh) (3x)

a lovegame

An ageless war between Gaga and Cupid. How will it end?

let’s play a lovegame, play a lovegame

do you want love, or you want fame

are you in the game (huh)

doin’ the lovegame (huh)

(4x)

The answer: it doesn’t. It will never end.

This song is at the top of the pop charts.

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2 Responses

  1. Lady GuhGuh has a penis.

  2. MORE LIKE LADYBOY GA GA

    ahwooooooo…

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